😡

So excited! Our stuff is coming on Monday! Yes, it’s not a great day for it to be delivered - lots of rescheduling to do, husband has an evening event, babysitter has to move her schedule around to help with the kids. But we’ve been living out of suitcases for over two months - since the end of June for the kids and me since we were traveling to Grandparents immediately after the end of the school year. It’ll be here after lunch.Time to recycle all the yogurt containers I’ve been using as tupperwares.

2pm. No stuff. Nada. No communication either ... We track down the shipper’s dircet line ...

What do you mean you’re not coming ....

😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😢

What a shirt show. Which brings me to some thoughts about why this feels like they cancelled Christmas.

In our previous moves we did not have to wait this long. Through a combination of factors that I won’t comment on, this is the longest we’ve had to wait before we can setttle in. And since packout this time was very difficult, we did not use up our UAB allowance. We have been living in a minimalist fashion for a while now. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I want to set up my house.

Ya see, when you move every 2-3 years, you don’t have time to waste in making your new location “home.” Say yes to everything social, hit the ground running exploring, be patient and trust that one day soon grocery shopping won’t be a four hour ordeal. But it wears you down.

And getting the HHE, especially with kids, is essential to this process. It’s essential to morale. I have a friend who just moved from one city in China to another. She said “seven years ago we arrived with four bags, today we are leaving with two kids” and a boatload of stuff. She got her stuff quickly so wasn’t as happy to see it - absence makes the heart grow fonder. I have another friend who in her youth was a great traveler. Originally fromTurkey, she met her American husband in Germany, had a baby, and immediately moved to the DC area permanently. Since having a child she says, “I don’t want to go anywhere.”

Everyone’s different, but stability is key. Thank goodness this is a three year assignment. Now how can I make that longer ....

Neighborhood crusin’

Baby dragons and a 800 year old castle

We are quickly discovering one of the best things about life in Ljubljana: all those amazing Slovenian destinations I’ve been stalking on instagram for the past year are day trips!

 An hour’s drive brings you to beautiful and fascinating places. We can see a whole bunch of stuff before Kyle can deploy his “are we there yet” song.

Predjama Castle is 800 years old and the “largest cave castle in the world.” For this visit we only visited the outside, but if you buy a ticket for a tour you get to explore inside the cave network behind the castle.

Apparently one of the knights who owned this castle “died on the toilet after being betrayed by a servant.” I have to find out what that means.

On this visit to the park we spent most of our time in the Postonja Caves, searching for baby dragons.

There is a train that takes you deep inside the cave network, which is the largest in Europe. I’ve been in caves before and I’ve never seen anything like this. The train moves pretty quickly, so hang on to your hats, or in this case, your Ben.

We did find a baby dragon - in an aquarium. We weren’t allowed to take pictures of them but you can see what they look like here: https://www.postojnska-jama.eu/en/wonderland-stories/baby-dragons-secret-stories/.

Tivoli City Park

Ljubljana prides itself on being the “greenest European capital,” and no wonder. If you live in one of the beautiful places you of course want to preserve it. Why do you think Oregonians get so excited about the environment? Slovenians, however, take environmentalalism to a whole new level. Recycling bins are larger and more prevalent than garbage cans, and apparently there aren’t very many rules as to what you can’t recycle. Anything goes! We even have city compost bins on the residential streets. At first I was super excited about this, but then I realized that they only pick up the organic waste once a week. There’s a science behind composting, and that’s not it. 

Like Tirana (and NYC) Ljubljana has a central green space inside the city limits. This park is huge, and has urban sections with playgrounds and cafes and duck ponds as well as forests with hiking trails. The first picture was taken about a ten minute walk from our house.

There’s also a modern art museum, where you can take printmaking classes. Follow the paintings!

There’s something  especially calming about city buildings you can see from inside a big park.

First Impressions

And, after three years in Arlington, we’re back overseas! Leaving DC was by far the most difficult PCS we’ve ever done. For one thing, our car and HHE are still not here. We parted with our car on July 12 and packed out about a week later, and apparently our stuff is taking the scenic tour around the Horn of Africa. As far as we can tell it’s currently vacationing in Greece. Thanks, JK Moving Company. Meanwhile, we shall continue to ration our four spoons and three plates (yes, we broke a welcome kit plate). Although we are all going to be doing a happy dance around the Mazda, I’m sure I’ll be overwhelmed by our stuff whenever it does decide to join us. In the meantime, I’ll continue to stew and keep the kids away from the coffee cups we borrowed from our neighbors.

This is our third overseas tour, and we are very happy with our housing assingment. It is light and spacious and comfortable, and in a great location. This is the first time we have lived out in the community instead of on a compound, and while at first that felt very different I’m already used to it. Other than apparently rampant bike theft, crime is rare in Ljubljana, and Slovenia in general. And our bikes are in Greece so we have no worries.

Which brings me to my first impression of our home for th next three years: this place is insanely calm. The drivers are moderately aggressive and cyclists are EVERYWHERE, but laws are enforced and the infrastructure is as good as any other developed country. Compared to my other experiences of moving to Manila and Albania (and even DC), the calmness has been something I have had to get used to. Now that it’s September and everyone is back from vacation, life is picking up a bit, but in general Ljubljana feels like a “big city” with a small town attitude.

Now that’s not to say that I’M calm. I am of course constantly overwhelmed, mostly by the language. It took me more than a month to figure out how to say “hello” dobra dan and “thank you” hvala. The boys started school a couple of weeks ago, and they have a full schedule of classes all day followed by after school activities, half of which are even inlcuded in our tuition fees. Kyle is of course enrolled in ALL the sports as well as robotics, and Ben is taking yoga (and I will join him!). My first impression of the school and the kids’ teachers is very positive. There are a few adjustments to adapt to, but the most difficult problem so far as that Ben is napping at school and then won’t go to sleep  at his normal bedtime. And yet is somehow still overtired. TBD how that’s going to work itself out.

I have been hired as a rover admin at the embassy, but my security clearance is still 3-6 months out. While it would be nice to have the income to offset Ben’s private school tuition, not working is at least giving me plenty of time to do important things like write this blog and stare at Julie. I could probably do with a little more mental stimulation (which, btw, was not a problem in either of our 20% hardship tours - just an observation of hardship vs non-hardship tours). Having written that, I feel motivated to get off my bum and go join YogaAnytime.com. First 30 days are free with the code ANNIE.

The W is my Destiny

The W is back. 

This past summer we relocated to our next post: DC. We were sad to leave beautiful Albania - especially our beautiful helper and babysitter, Liza, and our million dollar view of Mt. Dajti. But we are glad to be back in the US, soaking up its benefits of proximity to high-quality healthcare, frequent visits with stateside friends and family, and first-world living. 

The W is surprising. 

And October is a lovely month to be in the US. Apple picking, fall festivals, beautiful weather, Halloween with young kids, and pumpkin mania. A couple of weeks ago I texted my husband from Trader Joe's and told him that pumpkin hysteria was in full swing. He requested that I "buy all of it." 

The W spares no one. 

And yet, October is also approximately 90 days post transfer, which means the new post honeymoon is over; let the Fall Funk begin. 

The W is the W curve of cultural adjustment, which I think looks like this:

The Funk always takes me by surprise. And of course it's not always a fall funk. Last time I moved in the spring, so it was a summer funk. 

People in the nomadic community throw around the term "culture shock," but my favorite descriptive term for this process is "transition fatigue," because it happens when you move back for a domestic tour too. 

Even in the US, we professional nomads have to reestablish ourselves in the new place. That means: new house, new friends, new school, new job, new coworkers, new car (maybe), new everything. It's exhausting.

BUT, according the the W, it gets better. And I remember it getting better. Until it starts again. Which is why my #1 bidding preference for next time is: ability to extend. 

Unless the new place sucks, of course. ;)  

My 3 Day Detox

No, I wasn't IN detox. I cannot imagine what that looks like in Albania, if it even exists. In response to my holiday overindulgence in the last few weeks of 2013, I began 2014 with a gentle detox.

I've always wanted to try this, but have never before had time or the interest in doing the work that is necessary to make a detox accessible--and edible. And believe me, it is a lot of work. Although the ingredients are simple, creativity is required in taking those ingredients and making them into something that I'd want to eat, as opposed to eating plain vegetables and counting the hours until I can eat bread again.

My husband also tried the detox. He was miserable anyway. Even with all the cheating.

On December 31, as I sipped my glass of champagne, my body began to scream at me. It had been whining for the last couple of weeks, but it had reached its limit. My knees were hurting, my skin pale, and I was exhausted. And yet, it was the holidays! Have another Christmas cookie!

By New Year's Day I had decided to do something radical about my diet, but waited, of course, until we came back from Prague. A mini-vacation in the Czech Republic is certainly not the time to begin a detox.

We landed in Tirana on the 5th, and on the way home I stopped at my favorite vegetable market to stock up on produce. One of the benefits of doing a detox in Albania is that the produce is fresh, delicious, and inexpensive. If I decide to do this again in the spring there will be even more variety, and it will be fresher and cheaper. It is not organic, but it can't possibly be coated with as many chemicals as produce available in the US simply because it deteriorates faster from a fresh state and tastes better.

I used a template from Mind Body Green as an outline, and started the first full day we were home. I did not follow a strict plan, but completely eliminated wheat, dairy, sugar, and alcohol, and drank tea instead of coffee in the morning. I ate a lot of fruits, vegetables, walnuts, almonds, and cashews. I couldn't find the rubber seal for our blender until the second day, so the first two smoothies were pretty exciting. Note: a food processor is NOT a substitute for a blender.

A Super Breakfast

- banana

- frozen berries

-handful of walnuts

- ice and water

Lunch

- handful of spinach

- peach 

- handful of almonds

- ice and water

Dinners consisted of salad, a variety of steamed vegetables, and protein. The first night I cooked salmon with olive oil, lemon, and salt in the slow cooker, and the second night I adapted Dr. Oz's recipe for lentil soup. The third night was quinoa with lightly roasted vegetables, and my husband had chicken. Salad dressing was olive oil, lemon juice, and a dash of dijon mustard.

Salad toppings

- avocado

- green peppers

- tomatoes

Tabouli with quinoa instead of bulgar.

- parsley

- cucumbers

- green onions

- tomatoes

- quinoa

- olive oil

- lemon juice

Lentil soup

- red lentils

- onions

- carrots 

- tomatoes

- olive oil

- cumin

- bay leaves

- freshly made vegetable stock

I was extremely pleased with the results. I felt energized and less inflamed by the end of the first day, and my knee pain had disappeared by the second day. My skin improved, and I lost a little sag in my waist and bum. I never felt hungry. 

There are many reasons to do a detox, but one of them is to shock yourself out of bad eating habits. I plan to stick to smoothies for breakfast and lunch, and do what I can to make our dinners healthier while not alienating my husband. 

Friendsgiving in Albania

I love celebrating Thanksgiving overseas. What's not to like? Food, wine, friends, and the ability to afford to pay someone to entertain the toddler and help with clean up.

For a traditionalist Thanksgiving stickler, celebrating American holidays overseas certainly comes with challenges. Substitutions for certain ingredients are required, and last minute turkey buying is not an option. On the other hand, the likelihood of dramatic family blowouts is much, much lower.

Of the three Thanksgivings we have spent abroad, we have hosted two dinners for our friends and their children. In 2010, I spent the holiday in my 12 hour/day yoga teacher training. However, I did bring pie. Yes, I fed pie to a bunch of yoga teachers-in-training, and our guru. And I left class early so that I could make the community Thanksgiving potluck feast at Manila's American Recreation Club.

The next year, we had just returned from OB Medevac with our newborn baby, but, feeling the need to reconnect with our friends at post after four months at home, had a few people over for Thanksgiving dinner. That was probably the easiest Thanksgiving I will ever host, as I not only had help with childcare and dishwashing, but I had a cook. That year, I did not practice the tradition of burning myself while manhandling the turkey in and out of the oven.

This year we had nine adults, six children, a baby, and our housekeeper/babysitter for Thanksgiving dinner. We ordered a "turkey over 12 lbs" from AERA, and a 24 lb butterball behemoth arrived. Our Ambassador's wife saved us the trouble of trying to thaw this monster by sharing that turkeys can be cooked from the frozen state. I will never thaw a turkey again.

I started cooking on Sunday. We had invited our non-fowl eating friends to join us, so I made a mushroom gravy that was way better than its turkey pan cousin. Even my meat-loving husband loved it. Of course we also made turkey pan gravy as well. One can never have too much gravy. Or pie.

On Tuesday I made my second pie ever. My first pie was on Saturday for a friend's pre-Thanksgiving feast, and because it actually wasn't terrible I gathered my courage and tried again. Pecans cannot be found--at least not easily--in Albania, so I made a walnut pie. According to the internet, New Englanders have walnut pies at Thanksgiving all the time. I didn't know that pecans didn't go farther north than Washington, D.C. I had learned a few things from my first experience, and this pie turned out pretty darn well.

My husband had showed me how his grandmother used her thumb to make the pie crust decorative. When I was finished I couldn't recognize myself.

On Wednesday I made roasted sweet potatoes and pears from a recipe posted on Facebook by our CLO. This is amazing sweet potato dish that is much, much better than a sweet potato casserole, unless, of course, you want dessert for dinner.

Fresh cranberries are also not easily found, so, in addition to opening a can of cranberry sauce purchased from the commissary, I made an orange-lemon ginger compote. I thought it was a perfect substitute, but I'm not sure anyone else tried it. I got the recipe from a British Christmas food website, so maybe they could sense that it wasn't American. Anyway, it tasted great.

Finally, the turkey. The 24 pounder that we roasted from a frozen state. Best turkey I've ever cooked, and I'll never go back. Thank you, Anne!

We had a little drama around mid-day on Thursday when, according to the meat thermometer, it appeared that the turkey was already done. But it turned out perfectly--and fully cooked. This method seems to help avoid drying the meat out in the oven. I didn't get a picture of the turkey before my husband made these freaky cuts in it.

I did burn myself. Twice, on the forearm and wrist. I need longer oven mitts.

And here is our happy table, right before we sat down and demolished it. Everyone brought something, so we had more food than we and our children could eat.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Seven months strong

I should blog more. Obviously. I really enjoy blogging, but never seem to find enough time to do both the writing AND the editing. The secret is to not take it too seriously.

This is my English-major way of apologizing for any sloppy writing that may ensue.

We have now lived in Tirana for a little over seven moths. Last month my parents came to visit from Florida, which was wonderful. I loved sharing Tirana and the region with my family, and wish we had more time--who knew a month could go by so quickly?

A lot has changed in seven months, which shouldn't be a surprise since seven months in the FS is the equivalent to five years of stateside living. Of course, as my son grows (he turned 2 in late August), my life changes dramatically. Suddenly there's sleep being had and more time to do things other than domestic caregiving. The first day I left Kyle alone at school I went home and stared at a wall because I didn't know what to do with the time.

I have changed quite a bit as well. Nine months ago my goal was to work at the Embassy in a job similar to the one I enjoyed in Manila, and it was disappointing to arrive in Tirana and discover that EFM jobs were not as plentiful as they had been in the Philippines. Very disappointing.

However, Tirana turns out to be a post that offers plenty of work opportunities outside of the Mission. Do these jobs pay as much as the US Government? Uh, no. Are they worth it anyway. Heck, yes! Do I like being self-employed? Absolutely. Do I enjoy running all over town to cover all of my different private practice jobs? Well ... I have control over my schedule, and can at least limit the time I spend running around.

The best thing about all of these jobs is that they are all in my field, which is clinical social work. I am teaching Psychology to undergrads at the University of New York in Tirana, seeing private practice clients through my business www.mindbodyglobal.com, and doing contract work with the Peace Corps. For whatever reason, it seems like work opportunities exploded at the beginning of September.

I have also discovered, for better or for worse, that I actually like being a domestic caregiver. I enjoy spending time with my son. I like planning meals and cooking healthy food for my family. I find it rewarding to pay someone else to clean the toilet and vacuum the floor.

I have also learned that social work practice stresses me out a little bit. I know that I am playing to my strengths when I practice therapy, but after taking a three year break I am very aware of how hard a job it is to be a counselor. The qualities that make a person able to empathize and be compassionate are the same qualities that make one vulnerable to absorbing other people's pain and stress. I was never, ever significantly stressed as a CLO Assistant in Manila.

I now remember how much I emphasized boundaries to myself and my co-workers when I worked in hospice social work.

But enough of that. The journey continues, and we as a family continue to have reorganize our thinking to accommodate our free-floating lifestyle. It turns out that it is entirely possible to have the urge to travel (my husband owns up to having itchy feet) and be obsessed with having the ability to plan out all the details of one's life. The two qualities butt heads quite frequently. The good news is that because my husband and I both share this traveling bug + resistance to being super flexible, the conflict is not between the two of us, but between our family and the demands of the FS.

So, Albania is awesome, and you should come here. Julie especially misses my Dad throwing the ball to her daily, and Kyle has decided that Skype just isn't the same. It's a good thing we will be heading back to the US on R&R in a couple of months.

The 3 month slump

Argh. Does this have to happen every time? Every single time? At about three months into a new post--even if that post is DC--I begin to feel down. The three month mark is apparently when I transition from feeling like I'm on vacation to realizing that this is my new home. For now.

Two years is a really short time to be someplace you really like, and I like Tirana. In Manila, the three month slump turned into a year-long fight as problems with housing and my dislike of air pollution made me think that my slump was Manila's fault. And then we moved back to DC, and I was blindsided by the realization that I missed Manila, and wanted to "go home."

I have no home. I do have a house. Here's a picture:

I miss my house. I don't miss what I was doing while I was living there, but I miss the house being my house, with a big backyard and furniture that wasn't heavily damaged Drexel dark wood.

As a side note, I'm not complaining about the furniture. I'm rather glad that it's trashed because there's nothing my two dogs and toddler can do to it that would be our fault. Kyle IS doing a number on the blinds ....

But it's not even really the house that I'm missing, but the stability. Three years ago I wrote a blog about how I didn't think I had itchy feet. I maintain that. I do have a great desire to travel and see and experience new things, and for several months at a time so I can immerse myself in the culture. BUT, it would be nice if I could somehow do this and still be able to go back to a specific place to a job that pays the bills and my furniture. Then I could get nice and bored and ready to hit the road again in a year.

This is my home for now:

No wait, that's a Hoxha bunker.

This is nearby my home for now. Isn't it pretty?

I like Tirana. I wish we could stay and make it a home for at least five years. Five years would have been too long in Manila.

So I guess we'll keep going and see where this life takes us. And maybe convert a shipping container to a low maintenance, awesome, environmentally friendly, tiny house and put it on my parents' five acres. They won't mind.

Two months in

On Wednesday it will have been two months since we landed in Tirana, so it's time for an update.

The short story is that we still love the city and the region. Manila gave us many gifts, and one of them is the ability to appreciate everything this post has to offer. From the housing to the traffic to the weather to the air quality, from our perspective, this place rocks. I'm already sorry that Brian's status as an ELO means that we will only be here two years and cannot request an extension to three years.

Two years in a post that's a good fit is much too short. Two years in a post that's a bad fit is much too long.

Our final HHE shipment from DC arrived last week, so now I feel like we can really settle in to our house. We did a decent job with our consumables shipment, especially given that it's really hard to shop for consumables at a post that has changed so rapidly in so little time that no one's really sure what is or is not available.

As a newbie, here's what I wish I hadn't brought, and what I wish I'd brought more of:

Wish I could return it:

• Canned tomato products. In my defense, I knew this sounded wonky, but when your favorite cooking media is a slow-cooker, a threat of unavailable tomato products must be taken seriously.

Wish I had bought more of it:

• Peanut butter. 6 huge jars of Smucker's natural isn't going to be enough. I depsise PB with sugar in it.
• Enchilada sauce. Only 4 jars!?? WTF? I think I told myself I would make it from scratch ...

Wish I had bought it at all:

• soft toilet paper. In my old age I have come to appreciate high quality toilet paper. 
• black beans - canned, dry, whatever. They don't exist here. 
• non-sugary cereal. All they have here is museli and fifty different kinds of dessert cereal. I think the healthy breakfast cereal thing is uniquely American. 
• body lotion. But NOT hair removal products. There's an entire aisle dedicated to hair removal, and a teeny, tiny corner of body lotion. Not a lot of dry, English skin around here. 

However, all of the above can be got around. Except maybe the black beans and the cereal. Those are hard to substitute. 

Tirana, Albania

My expectations for Tirana were ... let's just say they were modest. Although there were many things I loved about our first post, I found life in Manila challenging. So when we were assigned to another hardship post--with a consumables shipment!--I kept my expectations in check.

And perhaps that is why I think everything here is just awesome. The air is clean, the food is fantastic, and my housing is relatively walkable. Most importantly, I can spend most of the day outside with my active toddler, and the only thing I have to worry about is the sun. (He's very, very, very fair, just like his Daddy, and won't wear hats, also like his Daddy.)

I'm well aware that Tirana and I are on our honeymoon, and in the coming months we'll have some fights, but the foundation of our relationship is solid. For pete's sake, I even fought with Arlington, so there's no avoiding the adjustment process, no matter how well a place meets your needs.

Although we've only been here two weeks, we've taken the opportunity to explore. Over the weekend, we joined our sponsors on a whirlwind road trip to Saranda, and earlier this week Kyle and I took a walking tour* of Tirana with other Mission newcomers.

*I'd like to take the opportunity to emphasize that we took a walking tour. We walked from Skanderberg Square to the Embassy, and more or less enjoyed the experience.

One of Hoxha's many paranoia bunkers, which are scattered throughout the country. This one is in its original location in downtown Tirana, and behind it is a piece of the Berlin Wall.

A promenade between city hall and the art museum.

Any road trip in Albania affords many opportunities for sightings of herds of road goats and cows.

Vlore

The coastal road between Vlore and Sarande. Guard rails are for wimps.

In Sarande, your toddler can amuse himself by throwing rocks at Greece. Corfu is the island in the distance. As you drive farther south in Albania, the walls become white, the doors become blue, and the roadside memorials Christian.

Grief, Trauma, Anne, and the Foreign Service

It is hard for me to articulate how I am grieving for Anne Smedinghoff, who's death yesterday covered my Facebook feed in black ribbons and shattered my small corner of the Foreign Service community. I knew Anne. I am not her close friend or family member, but I was connected to her in many ways. She was was one of my husband's 151st A-100 cohorts. I met her several times at various 151 get togethers and happy hours. I recall sharing a beer with her and talking about Chicago. I remember when my close friend told us that she was going to meet Anne in Australia for a cross country bike tour. I have heard her name spoken many times by my husband, who was proud to serve alongside such a wonderful person, and remarkable diplomat. I remember her smile.

She made an impression on me despite my only knowing her by association. What a fantastic public affairs representative she must have been. What a loss for this country and its diplomatic mission. What an insensible tragedy for her family.

It is impossible to believe that she died--that she was killed by violence while serving her country. I know many people who are currently serving in AIP, and many more who are going to serve there later this year. We are not prepared to lose people by violence in the Foreign Service, and yet, in the last year, we have lost many. The FS is not armed. Its personnel always travel with skilled military convoys. But there it is--the diplomatic corps is small, but is serving right alongside the military.

Today I recognize in myself symptoms of grief and trauma, and know that I am sharing these feelings with the FS community, and in particular, the 151st A-100 and anyone who had the honor of serving with Anne. It is clear from Secretary Kerry's statement that he is also grieving. We are all in a state of disbelief, shock, and for many of us, the implicit fear for the safety of our loved ones. Anne life was significant, and her death cuts us all close to the heart.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chi-diplomat-killed-20130406,0,389656.story

Expectations

I'm not much of a list maker--they usually end up forgotten on the counter along with any coupons I may have casually obtained. However, I find lists to be incredibly useful for organizing my thoughts--both task oriented and abstract.

So, in anticipation of our transfer to Albania, I'm going to share a list of my expectations for the move: those I'm looking forward to, and those of which I'm afraid.

The Good

1. Help, in the form of a helper. We've already hired our housekeeper/babysitter, who I hope will still be waiting for us when we arrive. I am just about foaming at the mouth at not being able to take a yoga class, go the gym, or work at my computer without interruption, much less teach yoga, volunteer, or otherwise exercise my brain beyond being a full time mama.

2. Work. EFM jobs are scarce in Tirana, and so I'm not holding out much hope of being able to work at the Embassy. However, that reality has forced me to seriously consider developing a portable career beyond teaching yoga.

3. House. That is, to really be able to settle in for two years, and the return of our HHE.

4. Albania, Europe, and the Balkans. Never have I so looked forward to the travel opportunities that will be at our fingertips, and hope that neighboring Italy will be enough bait for our friends and family to visit.

5. Mountains. Apparently we have a view of a small mountain range from the back of our house. Heaven!

6. Space. The density of NoVa and DC was initially unwelcome after two years in Manila. Thank gosh for the wonderful parks in this area, and I hope that Tirana will offer similar natural comforts.

7. Baby love. Like Filipinos, Albanians love children, and sweet Kyle's a flirt.

The Bad (maybe)
I have no idea what I will find in Tirana, so these are just fears.

1. Air pollution. People talk about the city being polluted, but I can't believe it. After Manila, I think only China could impress me.

2. Feeling trapped in my house. Will the area be walkable? Driveable? Will not speaking Albania turn out to be a significant problem? Will leaving my house be such a chaotic experience that I end up hanging out on the compound due to exhaustion?

3. Size of the expat community. Nearly everyone who's been in Tirana really enjoyed the post, and I'm not detecting a lot of hedging. However, it is a smaller post--about 1/6 the size of Manila, so I don't know what to expect.

4. Work. I was able to accomplish everything I wanted to accomplish in Manila, and earn money. Will the same be true in Tirana?

5. Family. It has been wonderful to spend so much time with my friends and family, and witness how attached Kyle has become to my parents, and vice versa. As far as I'm concerned, the travel time to Tirana is a breeze compared to the 26+ hour ordeal that was traveling to Manila, but not everyone has that perspective, nor is everyone as comfortable with air travel.

6. Groceries, illness, and ease of errand-doing. Tirana is a 20% hardship with consumables, so I expect that all the above will present difficulties.

What will I think of my list a year from now? Hopefully I'll remember I wrote this list. :)

Musings of a reluctant mover

In my luxurious life as an EFM, I look forward to dragging my reluctant bum away from yet another home. A home that, once again, I will have spent five months resisting, one month enjoying, and four months freaking out about leaving.

This life would be so much easier if I didn't have dogs, child, cars, or any material goods whatsoever. Of course, such unencumbered and unaccompanied lives have their own challenges, and, all things considered, I would not choose that for myself.

SO, once again, we prepare for packout. Do other people stress out about not having access to a rocking chair for two months? Do they stay up at night wondering if their dog will not be allowed to re-board the plane in Vienna because the Austrians use a 15 digit chip reader instead of a 10 digit reader? Do they spend a great deal of time wondering if they should ship crates of tomato paste to their new homes?

Probably not. Unless they also drag their reluctant bums around the world every year or three.

There are many gaps of support in the FAM, the FS regulations for everything domestic. For example, we couldn't sell our truck in Manila without taking a huge loss (as in, $10K). But even though we were required to spend a year in DC for training, we were only allotted one car shipment, which we used to bring the truck home. The truck is just about sold, and for a good price for both buyer and seller--yay--but now we worry about buying a car in Albania. We could of course buy a new car from somewhere in Europe, but then won't we be in the same boat when we are leaving Albania? The boat where your car is too expensive for both the locals and the Embassy community, and you anticipate at least six months of training in NoVA, where you will need a car? Sigh.

There are also many strengths, most of which, having been back in the US for almost a year, I've forgotten about. But I remember feeling pretty well taken care of, despite our housing adventures. This time we have been assigned a 3 bedroom home where we will likely have enough room to unpack, and a guest room, which is all I want from my life in the FS. That, and a good babysitter who will also do the vacuuming.

A jet-lagged FS family walks into America ...

A woman walks into a bar and orders a hard cider, then looks at a menu. She learns that the cider she just ordered was $15, and has a minor panic attack. Then she sees that the cheapest meal on the menu is a $12 sandwich.

A couple go to Sunday brunch in a restaurant with their baby. The baby gets tired of sitting and decides he needs to walk around and visit people. The couple get the stink eye from their fellow brunchers.

A man walks into Harris Teeter to buy five staple items: milk, lettuce, coffee, bread, and chicken. He leaves Harris Teeter wondering what happened to his $50.

A woman pushes a stroller through a shopping area with her two dogs and incredibly adorable, blue-eyed baby. People repeatedly stop to gush over the dogs.

A man discussing pop culture with his classmates asks, "What's a snooki?"

SAHMing it up in the US

Even outside of the State Department there's an acronym for everything. Two and a half years ago I was a LCSW working for HOTC, then I was an EFM working at CLO, now I'm a SAHM taking care of my LO, American style.

What's a SAHM, American style, you ask? A person who's current job has incredible purpose, but no time off, and is paid in hugs, smiles, and baby giggles. A person who's secondary responsibilities are usually housework, food prep, and in my case, dog wrangling.  A person who has realized how precious time is, both because he or she has the opportunity to watch a little human transform before his or her eyes (sometimes they get taller overnight), and because any time that is not spent working is precious. Very precious. A SAHM is a stay at home mom.

Why American style? Because American hyper-individualism and our transitory lifestyle, even those who are based domestically, makes full time mothering at home a job with a very heavy workload, and it is not a job that is universally appreciated or understood. The following is NOT a statement about childless people; it is simply a statement of fact: until you have been a full time stay at home parent, or are the spouse of one, you have no idea how much work goes into doing even a moderately competent job of it. And getting help is not as simple as it sounds. Babies can not be easily delegated. 

My adjustment to being a SAHM was rough, but it has been easier than my adjustment to other changes in my lifestyle, such as moving to Manila. It was also concurrent with our repatriation back home, which is, believe it or not, a process of adjusting to culture stress, especially when you land in Washington, DC in the heat  and hostility of a Presidential election. However, although it does not have super-affordable mama's helpers such as nannies or domestic assistance of any kind, the US does have a lot of energetic women (and a few men) who create their own support systems and figure out how to make being a SAHM (or Dad) work. It also helps to adjust one's priorities, and realize that those secondary responsibilities are WAY down on the list of priorities.

It is not helpful when people spout platitudes such as "appreciate this time because they grow up fast," but buried in the platitude is truth: this beautiful little being changes every day, and someday I will not be able to scoop him up and give him a raspberry to the music of his laughter, his kisses will not be open-mouthed baby maulings, and he probably won't laugh when he farts (he may find them funny, but it won't be as innocent). So as difficult as the day to day work is, I make space for gratitude that I am having this experience. It also helps to know that in a few months I will again have the opportunity to look for a second job, should I want one. Which I will, as long as I can find a good daytime mama's helper. 

Pregnant lady on the move!

No, I am not, thank gosh, pregnant again, but one year ago this week my beautiful baby boy was born, and I've never shared my  experinece of my FS OB med-evac.

Although it is State policy to recommend that all women return to the US to give birth, many FS women give birth abroad and have good experiences. Manila has excellent medical care and I loved my Filipino OB, Dr. H. However, this being my first birth experience, I wanted to be with my family in my own country, and also wanted to use a hospital-based midwife (which I highly recommend). Plus, I didn't want to deny my baby the ability to run for President. God help him if he takes that task on.

First, the facts. If you choose to return home or give birth in your region's med evac point (EAP's is Singapore), you will receive housing and meals per diem for 12 weeks: 6 weeks before birth and 6 weeks after. In general, MED is pretty strict about this timing, so if you want to depart earlier or return to post later, you will be paying out of pocket for the extra days. My boss, the CLO, was very generous and accommodated me taking 16 weeks of maternity leave. State does not offer paid maternity or paternity leave, so once you have used up your annual and sick leave you go on LWOP status. 

Your per diem allowance varies based on where you go. In Florida my allowance was only $88/night, which is absurdly low for the area, amd so I stayed with my parents for the duration of my med evac. If you return to DC, your allowance is appropriate for housing costs in the area. If your due date falls during home leave or a DC assignment, you are not on a med evac and are on your own.

The pros to returning home are obvious: familiar medical care setting with providers who speak English--can you imagine being in labor and trying to speak a newly acquired language, if you even had language training?--easier access for family members to meet the baby, and the convenience benefits of being in the US. Drawbacks: if your per diem is insufficient and you can't afford to get an extended stay hotel room, crashing with your folks for 4 months with a new baby is a lot to ask of one's family, unless they live in a very large house and have a cook and a maid. My parents were wonderful and extremely generous, but they do not have the aforementioned house and helpers.

In addition, if your embassy is short-staffed or very small, it may be more difficult for Dad to be present for the birth AND the first few weeks of newborn care, which is hard on both parents. If you have the baby at post, Dad has more flexibility, and Mom likely has a domestic helper at home.

I am glad I returned home for Kyle's birth, and if i have another baby my choice to med evac or not will depend on the situation. In Albania, having the baby in country is not an option due to lack of sufficient medical care. Other than freaking out, I'm not sure what MED would do if one hired a local midwife and insisted on a home birth. Probably revoke your medical clearance. 

If you have any questions about being in the FS while pregnant, please don't hesitate to ask.

Bidding on Manila?

I wrote this list when we had only been in Manila for six months, but I have nothing I want to change now that our tour is over, except to add that Manila is a fantastic post for families with young children. Blogger and iPads don't mix well, so I have to add that pro up here:

9) Yayas and child-friendly everything - want to go on a date with your spouse? Yaya to the rescue-an entire day of in-home, devoted, and reliable child care for only $22! Is your child having a meltdown in the Sofitel? No problem-here come a troupe waiters, waitresses, and fellow brunchers ready to help you calm him down. Have 3 or more kids? Your housing is going to be fantastic. 

Strengths:

1) Community - The Embassy has wonderful leadership and is staffed by a great group of people, creating a friendly work environment despite the heavy workload in the consular section. The social community is inclusive and supportive, and there are plenty of opportunities to make friends.

2) Travel - The Philippines is a beautiful country, and Manila is well located for Southeast Asian travel. Domestic travel can be either cheap or expensive, depending on where you stay.

3) Food - Although Filipino food and Americans don't usually mix well, there are good restaurants in Makati and the Fort.

4) Domestic help - Imagine a life where your house is always clean, dinner is ready, and there's no such thing as laundry nights. And most importantly, you can afford it. Drivers are helpful in dealing with the traffic and parking problems, and can multi-task as professional dog walkers, errand runners, and bag schleppers. 

5) Safety - There are certain places in the country where you cannot go, and there is a travel warning in the Philippines, but Manila is generally as safe as any other mega-city. 

6) Availability of goods - Unless you shop like a local, and it's difficult to shop like a local, you will pay US equivalent or higher prices for most of your groceries and household basics. Manila has a 5% COLA. However, you have access to many familiar US, Australian, and European goods, which helps if you are already overwhelmed by the city. When you can't think straight because you battled an hour of traffic getting to the grocery store, at last you will find a few familiar labels on the shelves. You won't find everything you want, but you'll find most of it. Local and imported fruits and veggies are generally plentiful, depending on the season. 

7) Good deals -  Restaurant dining and home food delivery is extremely affordable, particularly if you are used to paying D.C. prices. High-quality and skilled crafts, furniture, jewelry and clothing is wonderfully inexpensive at markets such as Greenhills, and travel can be cheap. You can have incredibly fresh, organic vegetables delivered nearly to your door for less than $100/month--take that, Whole Foods. Massages are the best deal in town, even at the Sofitel.

8) EFM employment - Most spouses who want to work are able to find a job at the Embassy, and most enjoy their work.

Challenges:

1) Air quality: The air quality here is poor, which makes it difficult to spend very much time outside. In addition to the pollution caused by smoke-spewing buses, cars, and jeepneys, there's always an interesting smell heading your way on the next breeze.

2) Traffic: Planning a night out is always a challenge. It could take 15 minutes to get to your destination, or it could take over an hour, and the traffic is unpredictable. For this reason, most people spend a lot of time at home or at the homes of their friends. In addition, driving in Manila is difficult, and requires your full attention when you are behind the wheel. The rule of the road is that there are no rules.

3) Nothing is easy: The only easy way to run an errand in Manila is to ask your driver to run it for you. From the traffic to finding what you need to dealing with salespeople, hilarity inevitably ensues.

4) Noise: Fireworks go off year round and at all times of the day and night, cars backfire, horns blare, scooters buzz, and there is the occasional parade.

5) Walk-ability: What walk-ability?

6) Money: Yes, you can save money, but not as much as you'd think. Good mental health requires escaping from the city approximately once/month, which can get expensive.

Mobile Mama

It's not easy to maintain a routine in a mobile lifestyle. If it's just you and another reasonably flexible adult, you can  make a  routine fit no matter where you are and what you're doing,  but babies and dogs require more stability.

Of our two dogs, Julie, the Vizsla, is having the hardest time re-patriating. Poor Julie, in Manila she was walked three times a day by her friend Tony, who's official title was Driver, but he spent more time with the dogs than he did driving. Since we've been back, Julie has had a hard time adjusting to her American lifestyle. When we brought Kyle home from the US, Julie and Grace barely noticed. They had their aso yaya and Tony, and we were an afterthought. Here, attention is spread very thin. The baby of course absorbs 90% of household energy, leaving a very small amount to be portioned across self-care, relationship care, and dog care, not to mention laundry. 

Julie's not the only one adjusting to our household reducing by 3/5. Kyle has never been an easy sleeper, but since I had a mama's helper in Manila, I never felt the pressure of being on the job 24 hours a day. This is the hardest job I've ever had. Of course I love taking care of my baby-but a lunch break (or a bathroom break) would be nice once in a while.

As we adjust to living in the US, and I adjust to the American model of motherhood--all me, all the time, except on weekends or if a grandparent is visiting--I am trying to maintain a routine despite moving, traveling, home leave, and a million other routine saboteurs. Kyle is a flexible baby, but he is not a low maitenance baby. I am a devoted mama, but I need a little time to be something other than a mama. In the US, those opportunities are few, especially when baby has quit taking naps in his crib because he became accustomed to being held while we were on the move.

Now if you'll excuse me, I see that Kyle is learning how to work doorknobs.

Family Ties

One time I asked a Filipino domestic worker if Filipinos as a group were tolerant of homosexuality. This person, who is around 50 years old, said that although homosexuality was not accepted in the 1980s, now nearly all Filipinos have a sibling who has come out, and in general have come to realize that homosexuals are "just like everybody else: they are my sister; my brother." 

The Philippines is a devoutly Christian country. On issues such as abortion, they are 150% pro-life. They are also pro-family, and it's not uncommon for a Filipino to have 9 siblings, so if one of those ten children is attracted to people of the same gender, almost everyone has someone they love who is gay, lesbian, or bi-sexual. And to their credit, instead of ostracizing their brothers and sisters, they have come to accept them. 

If you believe that it's ok to discrimate against someone based on race, ethnicity, gender, religion, or sexual orientation, then I'm not talking to you. However, if you don't believe it's ok, then don't go to Chick fil A today. Even if you think the uproar is stupid, don't care about gay rights, think Chick-fil-A is a good company, or believe that all companies and their CEOs are evil and there's no point in boycotting any of them, you don't need to join ranks with those who are mobbing Chick-fil-A today. Today, support your brothers and sisters; you can eat at Chick-fil-A tomorrow.