Foreign Service Relocation Limbo: how loose can you hang?

According to Wikipedia, the limbo, a dance that originated in Trinidad, "reflects the whole cycle of life." A dancer's ability to clear the pole as it is gradually lowered symbolizes "the triumph of life over death." Although successfully relocating in the Foreign Service is certainly not a triumph over death, it can be difficult, and a successful transition requires many of the same abilities as the limbo.

Flexibility is a core requirement for both a mobile life and a limbo dancer. If your body isn't built for back bends, don't bend it back--unless you love seeing your orthopedist. Similarly, if you dislike change, don't choose a life in the foreign service. However, flexibility alone may not be sufficient for either.

Flexibility is high-maintenance. You must warm up, honor your limits, and know that every day brings a new adventure. If you rush, you're more likely to be injured, yet it's natural to want to speed through something that makes us uncomfortable. Navigating change requires patience.

Foreign Service Officers and their families spend a lot of time dealing with the indeterminate future. First you wonder where you'll be assigned, then you wonder when you'll get your orders, then you wait for all the details from all the different departments to come together: housing, travel orders, training schedules, etc. Between the date of your assignment and your arrival you need a lot of answers from a few very busy people, and the necessity of being patient can conflict with our desire to be autonomous.

Knowing when to push forward, and when to hold steady, is the key to the limbo that is life in the foreign service. Self-advocacy is essential, but unusual anxiety about not knowing can be harmful. Every two years you dance another relocation limbo, but once you're clear, the rewards can be extraordinary.

If you can't beat 'em, Tandem?

Always a hot topic in the foreign service community, spousal employment continues to be a significant concern for Foreign Service Officers and their families. Diplopundit and Ryan and Lori recently posted about an article in the Summer 2009 issue of  FLO Direct News, which states that "nearly two-thirds [of adult family members] expressed an interest in working, while only a third was successful in finding employment." In addition, "many positions filled by family members inside the Mission tend to be clerical in nature and therefore widely viewed by the approximately 75% of family members with degrees (of whom about half have advanced degrees) as not very challenging or interesting." In their blog, Ryan and Lori wonder how often a FSO chooses to leave the Foreign Service because his or her spouse cannot maintain a professional career. I have an additional question: how difficult is it to be a tandem couple in the Foreign Service?

A tandem couple is a term used to describe two Foreign Service employees who are married to each other. Because my husband is the son of a retired GSO, we were familiar with the concept before my husband decided to pursue a careeer in the Foreign Service. However, when my husband started his application process I decided against applying for several reasons: 1) I was busy working 2) I was concerned about the complications of bidding on posts as a tandem, and 3) I was unwilling to entertain the possibility of being separated. As detailed in this article written by an Officer married to a Specialist, the possibility of being separated is very real. However, being a tandem couple may not be as difficult as it seems.

In our short time as members of the Foreign Service community we have met several tandem couples, an experience that is most certainly related to our assignment to the Philippines. Embassy Manila is quite large and thus, very accommodating for tandem couples looking for two job openings in the same location. Although it may be unavoidable that small posts may not commonly have two job openings at the same time, there are plenty of large posts in the world, and separation may not be absolute.

In addition, the post assignment process is complicated, but not arbitrary. Although the Needs of the Service are paramount, the State Department makes a significant effort to accommodate its Officers' preferences. Officers are not always assigned to their high and medium rated posts, but the Service does not ignore the wishes of its diplomats and their families. In fact, it makes every effort to keep tandem couples together, and encourages qualified spouses to apply. After all, the Needs of the Service are better met by a two for one deal.

It's been a little over two months since I left my job behind in Florida, and although I am enjoying Project Relax, I've been on vacation long enough to know that I will eventually want to return to professional life. Being well aware of the limitations of maintaining a professional (paid) career as the spouse of an FSO, my thoughts turn to the possibility of being an FSO myself, especially since the responsibilities of a consular officer fit well with social work skills. However, I would like to have more information about the reality of being a tandem couple before settling on it as a goal.

The Simplicity of Mobility

No one joins the Foreign Service expecting to simplify his or her life. No one thinks, "My life is so complicated. I think I'll become a traveling diplomat (or a diplomat's spouse/partner)." When compared to the comfort and stability of a stationary life, how could a life of incessant travel be simple? Yet constant mobility encourages--and often enforces--simple living.

Possessions: When you live in one place for an extended period of time, you start to collect things. I am not particularly prone to packrat behavior, but neither am I a master of de-cluttering. I just might need that ____ someday. However, because the Foreign Service will only ship 7, 650 lbs of a family's belongings, one learns to choose what to keep very carefully. In addition, with the exception of a 400 lb air shipment, these belongings have to travel across oceans to reach you, and thus, FS families must learn to do without most  of their things for anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. And when you realize that you can live without that ____, having it suddenly becomes a burden.

Ambition: On the surface, it appears to be extremely difficult to have a continuous career as a foreign service spouse. And if you stay attached to your stateside career expectations, it is difficult. A spouse's traditional career trajectory is often abruptly interrupted when he or she relocates to DC or overseas, but this change does not need to derail his or her career. In my experience, the more comfortable I become with my career change, the more I realize the opportunities embedded in the lifestyle. If I define a career as doing something I enjoy and feel is meaningful, regardless of pay, my career paths are limitless.

Opportunities for Learning: I have always been a curious person, and am motivated to seek new experiences. As a social worker with a full time job, it took a lot of planning and energy to obtain education outside of my workplace, not to mention trying to fit exotic travel into my weekends and vacation days. Life in the Foreign Service provides the stability of having a home and an income and the adventure of traveling, and thus, I feel freedom in knowing that, every two years, my home will be the new experience.

Responsibilities: Speaking of collecting things, one set of items that have been steadily increasing for the last five years are our bills. Stationary life combined with a steady dual income encourages spending, and since we've joined the foreign service we've been shedding expenses. Thank heaven we never bought a second home. Unlike relocating as a private citizen, State pays for a large portion of its officers' moving expenses, hires movers to pack you out, and assigns housing at every new post. You may not always like the choices made for you, but there is a wonderful simplicity in not having a choice.

This is not to say that life in the Foreign Service is easy--it has plenty of challenges. However, it has been a pleasant surprise to realize that what seems like a complicated lifestyle has actually simplified my life in many ways.

It's a foreign service dog's life.

Attitude and the Collective Consciousness

Life in the foreign service takes you out of your comfort zone, and although your comfort zone expands as you adjust, there may be certain aspects of living abroad that always make you anxious. Everyone interacts with a place differently, and as we travel one of the most important things we have the opportunity to explore is ourselves.

Anxiety about not having control comes with worldwide availability, and it is not uncommon to feel the need to distance ourselves from posts that scare us. However, by being aware of our feelings, we may be able to avoid harming our fellow foreign service members by imposing our negative feelings on our teammates.

Everyone has a different opinion about what makes a post "good." Some people love small hardship posts for their tight knit embassy communities. Some are happiest in large, cosmopolitan cities. Some people love danger posts in developing countries for the opportunity to be a part of an important American mission at the ground level. Some base everything on whether or not they can take their Vizsla for a walk. Regardless of our personal preferences, communicating negative opinions about another person's post assignment is never helpful.

It is perfectly ok to have feelings about a post, and absolutely necessary to express these feelings in an appropriate manner to the appropriate people. However, because our experiences are influenced by our expectations, we must be sensitive about expressing negativity to our fellow teammates in the diplomatic community. Facts are helpful; negative emotion is not. This includes feelings about a post's safety, especially if that post has recently made the news.

When you are going to a hardship or danger differential post--or both--it helps to know that you have the support of your community behind you. That your service is appreciated as a contribution to a larger global purpose; not as something happening to you, but as something you are doing with the support of others. 

We have all, at some point, responded poorly when hearing of someone else's post assignment. What is important is whether or not we were aware that we responded poorly. As a whole the foreign service is remarkably supportive and collegial, and it is this characteristic that makes it a joy to be part of this community. However, mindful sensitivity is an ongoing practice, and we must remember that even when we are separated by oceans, we are all in this together.

Julie overcomes her fear of the unknown

Blue Sky Thinking

In American culture, a person's identity is linked to his or her job. We make assumptions, sometimes incorrectly, about an individual based on his or her profession. When a person is occupied in a way that makes it difficult to label him or her as a teacher, doctor, lawyer, homemaker, etc., the average American may find him or herself at a loss as how to define this person. We want want to know what you do.

Indeed, having something to do is important to our sense of self, and having fulfilling work contributes to our happiness, but the nature of the foreign service lifestyle requires an FSO's family members to be extraordinarily flexible regarding career opportunities, school choices, and many other aspects of daily life. For some FS family members, it is difficult to see past these losses to appreciate the rewards.

When our family decided to pursue a life in the foreign service, we agreed that I would not be expected to have a paid job. Although many foreign service families do not feel that one income will support their needs--perhaps especially those with kids heading to college--foreign service family members are not guaranteed a job at post. Thus, family member employment is an important element of the Family Liaison Office's advocacy and resource development. However, even though I do not feel compelled to have a paid job, I do seek "active indispensable employment."

Regardless of whether or not I am paid, I will always be able to define myself as a social worker as long as my work contributes to social justice and social change. However, before we left Florida, I wasn't sure that volunteer work could sustain my career. And I was concerned that not being paid could make me feel that I was less of a contributing family member.

I am no longer worried. As I research the opportunities to practice social work in Manila, I find myself drawn to volunteer and per diem work rather than full time paid jobs. Although that may change, I also realize that if I have a full time job as an embassy office worker, I will have less time to explore the city and learn about Filipino culture. However I employ myself, looking for work as a foreign service spouse is difficult, but offers the opportunity to expand one's definition of a meaningful occupation.

Beyond Boundaries

When people are thrown together into an unknown situation, it is not uncommon for strong friendships to form quickly. Everyone is new, most are excited, and more than a few are a little anxious. The shared experience forms common ground, and your fellows in the process may come to feel like family.

In the Foreign Service generalist orientation, it only takes about four weeks for these bonds to form. Between the long days of class, the formal and informal social events, and a high percentage of the class living in one of the three Oakwood housing complexes, most FS officers and their families feel quite comfortable with each other by the time Flag Day rolls around. Thus, it can be startling to realize that the people who have shared this experience with you will soon be scattered around the world.

Although it may seem odd that some of us are leaving in April while others are here until February of next year, the friendships formed in A-100--and at our future two or three year posts--will endure beyond the boundaries of fourteen hour flights. And we have friends to visit in every part of the world. We have already invited ourselves to Mexico, Africa, China, and a few more.

Today we go to the swearing in ceremony at main State--"graduation" from A-100--and next week the newly appointed FSOs and some of their family members will start language and/or job specific training. For some, this may be the point at which the journey begins to feel real. For others, it's just another chapter. I'm just hoping that everyone has a guest room.

The 151st A-100 plans its leave time

The Unexpected Explorer

Flexibility and non-attachment: essential elements of foreign service life. Most foreign service families are aware of this, and have varying degrees of success in managing their expectations. For some FS newcomers, Flag Day, the ceremony in which an A-100 class' post assignments are announced, is the first time it's clear that we truly have No Choice.

As we approached our flag day I felt flexible and unattached. I was aware that I preferred a post in the western hemisphere, but with over thirty open posts in Latin America, it seemed likely we would be assigned to one of them.

Flag day reminded me that life in the foreign service necessitates worldwide availability. They aren't kidding. It is unwise to become attached to any country, continent, region, hemisphere, language, or culture because you have chosen to serve your country, and will be assigned according to the needs of the service.

Manila is a terrific first post. The Filipinos are warm, friendly, and welcoming of Americans. It's a good post for dogs, and the travel opportunities are incredible. It is perhaps one of the best posts for my career, as I will have ample opportunities for paid or unpaid work in my field.

Being posted here also offers hidden gifts. Because we were not oriented towards this region of the world, we were not fully aware of its travel opportunities. Manila is a short flight away from Southeast Asia, a region that we otherwise may have never seen due to China's restrictions on dog importation.

People have said that the Career Development Office seems to knows us better than we know ourselves, and when I compare our core preferences to Manila I realize that this post is a good fit for our family. I also believe that when you don't get exactly what you think you want, you have two choices. You can resent that you didn't get to choose, or you can choose to appreciate the gifts embedded in what's been chosen for you. There are strengths and challenges in every city, country, and culture, and the foreign service will take you out of your comfort zone. However, unexpected opportunities for exploration are wonderful.

Manila doesn't know what's coming